Alice in Wonderland

As I'm sure anyone who would go as far as to read this blog will know, director Tim Burton's is finishing up production on a hotly anticipated adaptation of Alice in Wonderland. Despite the cringe-worthy Disney insignia, expect it to cater to its biggest fan base: stoners. I'm sure even the idiots at Disney know that the real reason that their 1951 animated version is still around is that it's trippy as shit. In fact the name Tim Burton already assures us that this will not be any cutesy Disney shit. With the possible exception of Quentin Tarantino, Burton has more appreciation for the morbid than any other mainstream director. From Corpse Bride, James and the Giant Peach, and Nightmare Before Christmas, we know that he feels comfortable in the medium of animation, which much of this will be. Thankfully, however, the brilliant actors of the all-star cast such as Johnny Depp, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter, Christopher Lee, Alan Rickman, Michael Sheen, and Stephen Fry will be doing plenty of acting, even if their characters are visually CGI. Andy Serkis has become an in-demand actor because of CGI roles like Gollum and King Kong, and these guys are all actors first and foremost.

Judging from early pictures I think we know that this will definitely be a true visual experience for those of us who experience and those of us who don't, alike. Certainly it has been determined among my friends and I, that my 16th birthday party will be a celebration of both this film and of a cannabis plant derived contraband substance. Above are pictures of Matt Lucas as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, and Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen

Adding 5 Films to the Best Picture Race

Since the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (AMPAS) has announced that it will expand the race for Best Picture from 5 to 10 candidates (an obvious response to the shunning of the Dark Knight and Wall-E,) Film Blogs have been ablaze with buzz of recent hits that could be Best Picture contenders. Everything from the Hangover to Star Trek has been mentioned as a possible contender, yet honestly that is still a load of crap. Okay, Up will definitely be nominated as a Wall-E consolation prize, some buzz-heavy indie films like An Education will be considered, and if James Cameron's Avatar even comes close to living up to its hype, it will definitely be one of the ten as the Dark Knight consolation prize. Also, one has to remember that Cameron's last narrative film was this little confection called Titanic which was (other than the Lord of the Rings films) the last time a mega-hit was the Oscar darling. This could mean that potentially successful Summer Movies with big-name casts and high artistic standards like Michael Mann's 30's Gangster/FBI epic Public Enemies, with Johnny Depp andChristian Bale, and Quentin Tarantino's WWII Epic done Tarantino style Inglorious Basterds, (yes that is how QT spells it, don't ask me why because I don't know and I don't think anybody else does,) starring Brad Pitt have a chance. But don't bet on it because there is obviously a catch to this decision: there will be even more of the turgid period, Harvey Weinstein, dramas that Oscar loves and the public (even critics) don't. This does not mean that Oscar is going to be selecting the ten best films of the year, it just means they're going to "widen their horizons," albeit how slightly. Oh, the other thing is Avatar and Up don't have chance in hell to win. Already, it is abundantly clear that the winner will be either Clint Eastwood's Nelson Mandela/World Cup Soccer themed Invictus starring Morgan Freeman as Mandela (Eastwood+Freeman+Biopic+Mandela [i.e. inspirational]=Oscar) and Matt Damon as some South African soccer star, Peter Jackson's super-depressing child-murder themed The Lovely Bones, or Rob Marshall's Broadway Musical based on Fellini's 8 1/2 adaptation Nine. I only include Nine with the above because of a cast that includes Oscar winners galore (Daniel Day-Lewis, Judi Dench, Penelope Cruz, Nicole Kidman, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren,) and the fact that they sure liked Marshall's last Broadway based offering Chicago. Still the idea of Day-Lewis carrying a film through song and dance routines seems a trifle far-fetched. Of the three, I would pick Eastwood and Invictus because of the far more uplifting material and the cast, but I suspect the Academy would feel very awkward about awarding an acting legend with three directing Oscars and none for acting.

*Sorry, a lot of the films listed above do not have pictures or trailers yet on the web. As soon as I can get pics and trailers, you can be sure that there will be a gallery.

Why Anyone Cared About Farrah Fawcett

It was her brave three year struggle with cancer! As she matured in age, she matured as an actress!

Ha, I'm just teasing you. No, it's that every single news anchor jerked off to her, probably lost their jerk-off virginity to her. You name it. Gibson was a little old, so probably not his first time, but definitely. I mean just look at him. Doesn't he just look like the epitome of the horny geek boy? Williams, are you kidding me? He probably did it in front of his friends to prove that he wasn't gay. Blitzer? Blitzer still masturbates to Farrah. On his Netflix Queue it comes first season of Charlie's Angels, then one of her "serious miniseries events," then Farrah's Story. That's right Blitzer is one kinky mother fucker: he masturbates to dying 60 year old's. Every Friday at the Hannity household there are massive buddy jerk sessions to Charlie's. O'Reilly tends to get a little carried away. I'm sure even Stewart and Colbert do ocassionally. Which brings me to the big one: Couric.

Now come on, Couric definitely more than any of the rest Blitzer and Hannity included. Couric sits on her couch alone at night with the complete works. That's right, even her Altman ventures. Now to be fair she spends plenty of time fantasizing about her male co-stars. I mean come on who hasn't spent some alone time with the voice of John Forsythe and Ryan O'Neal post-career? But indeed, Katie Couric can be spotted sporting massive cameltoe action upon viewage of Ms. Fawcett's works.

Pierre von Tronsky

The Death of Michael Jackson

As I'm sure we all know beloved, yet controversial, entertainer Michael Jackson died this week at the age of 50. Mr. Jackson left behind a wonderful legacy of music, video, botched plastic surgeries, and lawsuits. I'm sure you've all seen the videos I have here: freakily precocious child star (black), freakily talented and eclectic adult star (increasingly less black,) freaky Elizabeth Taylor wannabe (really fucking white,) and super freaky child molester (not even close to human looks.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfBvYFqsi7A

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SlWIaYkFI4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8Qko5m8oAw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQwY4ll1Kfc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ri61lBfMBu0

I would like to present a conspiracy theory of mine in relation to the death of the King of Pop. In my belief MJ made a pact with God, Satan, or some other greater being, Vishnu included, that said that he would die once he met a young male (18 and under) that he did not at least sexually fantasize about. This past Tuesday MJ was out on his lawn and a 15 year old named Keenan Halpin rode by on a scooter. Judging from pictures of this Halpin character I have every reason to believe that this is what killed the King of Pop. The picture of the child is now up.

Welcome to The World As We Know it

Good Evening,

Here at The World As We Know It, I, Pierre von Tronsky, present a completely biased and subjective spin on the events going on throughout the world. That's right none of that "Fair and Balanced"crap. Everything written is entirely based on opinion. Okay to be honest there will be facts such as that Michael Jackson died this week. However my hypothesis for how he died might be quite controversial (for more check my other posts.)

While my specialty is film, that will not be the sole recipient of my posts. This is an all around current events opinion page. It is my great hope that the posts here will be of great interest from those who are so bored to read them.

Sincerely,
Your Humble Servant,
Pierre von Tronsky